Instead of a review, I’ve decided to write a letter to Director Tim Burton.
“Dear Mr. Burton,
I realize that you’re probably the oddest, most out-there human being on the face of the planet. And I’m okay with that, because, let’s face it, some of the work you’ve done in the past has been what some would call “revolutionary”. However, I’d personally like to inform you, that I hate you for what you’ve done to this classic movie.
I realize that some big movie company offered you a boatload of money to re-make this classic movie, and “Burton-ize” it. And, I also realize, that you’d be a fool not to take it. After all, you’re only human. However, what the movie company should have done, prior to releasing this movie, was watch it. It’s evident that the people responsible for this remake, never saw your version. For if they did, you surely would have been removed from the project.
I’ve never found myself watching a movie before, and been so enraged at the sheer disrespect for the original storyline, cast, or writing, as I was when I watched this movie. I understand you were trying to “modernize” the movie, by updating some parts of the plot, and that idea is fine. But modernize doesn’t translate to butcher. It’s almost as if you could have changed one or two more things, removed the name “Willy Wonka”, and it would have been a different story.
I realize that most of the characters were the same. Augustus met the same fate as the original, as did Violet. However, why change one of the most memorable scenes with Veruca and the golden geese, into Veruca and the nut-picking squirrels? Was that really neccessary? And where was the fizzy-lifting drink scene, or the Wonka-mobile scene? And why in the name of all things holy did the Oompa Loompas not sing a song with “Oompa loompa doompity do” in it? And where was “the world of pure imagination”? All of the things I absolutely loved about the original were missing from this movie.
Then, to boot, the entire ending of your horrible version is different than the original movie. If you’re going to re-make a movie, you can’t change everything. You can’t alter the storyline from said original, and make it your own. Yes, I know, you’re a weird guy. That’s fine, be weird. Make movies like Corpse Bride, and Edward Scissorhands. Be weird. Have a strangely-over-the-top affection for Johnny Depp, that’s fine, you’re entitled. But, what you’re not entitled to, is taking one of Gene Wilder’s best performed roles, and destroying the legacy that it became. I despise you for what you’ve done to this once-amazing original story, and will never again waste the time, money, energy or thought seeing another of your movies. Ever. Yes, I may only be one person, but I’m one angry person. No other movie has ever angered me as much as this disgusting piece of crap movie that you’ve deployed to the masses.”
As you can tell by my letter to Director Tim Burton, I absolutely hated this movie. Those people who’ve seen and written rave reviews about this movie obviously have no respect for the original. This movie is horrible, and should have never been released. Johnny Depp is in no way capable of putting on the type of performance that Gene Wilder put on way back when. Depp’s portrayal of Wonka is not tender-but-odd as Wilder’s was, it’s just down-right creepy. Though I’m sure the millions of Burton’s fans, and goth-kids will love this movie, I did not. I hated it, and will never speak of it again. Nor will I ever support Burton’s movies ever again. I’m disgusted by this remake.
We at MovieSnobs would like to acknowledge the assertations made by other critics that this version of the classic Roald Dahl tale was based mostly on the book. However, we would like to point out that the marketing for the film was strongly suggesting this was a remake of the 1971 film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. As the film was marketed as a remake of the original film, we stand by KingSnob Mike’s review of Burton’s work as a ineffective remake.
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