Take Transformers. Remove the totally awesome alien robots. Add kinda lame dragons and an even lamer plot. Remove the the talented Shia LaBeouf. Add the kid from “”Roswell.”” Remove the porn star-like Megan Fox and add the girl-next door no-name.
Yes, all that’s convoluted, but it’s basically what you get when you watch D-War (aka Dragon Wars – I have no idea why it’s called D-War). Jason Behr plays Ethan, a man with a destiny. When he was 8ish, he had an encounter with a treasure chest in the back of an antiques shop, and then had a heart-to-heart with the owner. The owner tells him that they’re actually souls from China from 1507 and they have a destiny to help the good dragon and stop the bad dragon. Confused yet? I was. Yet I kept watching.
It only gets worse when we meet Sarah, who is supposed to be sacrificed to the good dragon so it can return to heaven, but Ethan has to find her and keep her away from the bad dragon or it gets to go to heaven. Sarah’s also an old soul from 1507, but she doesn’t really know it. She has feelings that she’s in danger, but doesn’t know why. Once Ethan tells her she has the magic dragon-goes-to-heaven thing in her, she accepts it as perfectly normal.
The dragons are kind of cool looking, but they look like the design was stolen directly from the basilisk in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. When the fights between the dragons actually start (at the end scene), it is pretty cool. But it’s nothing compared to alien robots fighting in the streets or Harry Potter battling the enormous basilisk in the basement of Hogwarts. They didn’t show us anything we hadn’t seen before, and the story certainly didn’t make up for what they lacked in the visual department. And with the exception of the two comedic actors (the zookeeper and Craig Robinson from “The Office”), the acting was horrendous. Don’t get me wrong – I loved “Roswell.””This movie just sucks all around.
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