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House of Wax
Review written on: November 2nd, 2005

House of Wax Review

My dear lord. What can I say about this movie that hasn’t already been said? Let’s run down the list.

  • This is probably the worst movie ever made.
  • The cast in this movie is terrible.
  • This movie should never have been remade. Let sleeping dogs lay.

    The only few, and I stress the word few, high points of this movie were as follows:

  • A decent soundtrack.
  • Watching Paris Hilton get a large pipe shoved through her head.

    I’m trying to think of some other high points, but it’s really tough. The cast was very weak in this movie. Not to say I don’t like any of them in their other roles. They just did a poor job with this movie. And, I’m not blaming them, because let’s face it, you can only be as good as the script you’re given. And in the case, the script is garbage.

    I didn’t expect much going into this movie. And I got exactly what I paid for. I had hoped for there to be at least one or two spots where I’d jump, or be afraid. But I wasn’t. The “villain” wasn’t very evil. The “good guys” didn’t really make me want to root for them. All in all, I’d hoped that everyone in the movie died, and there was some twisted ending, where the dog was the real killer. That would have been a bit far-fetched, but better nonetheless.

    My professional opinion is to stay away from this movie. There’s nothing worth seeing, whatsoever. Don’t waste the money. Don’t waste the time. Don’t waste the energy. I can only wish I had twelve thumbs, to jolt them all in a downward motion in the general direction of this crap-fest of a movie.

     

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