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Primeval
Review written on: January 21st, 2007

Primeval Review

Going into this movie, I was a bit skeptical, knowing it was about some giant crocodile. Wouldn’t you be? Although, I still wanted to see it, as I’m a big fan of Prison Break, and Dominic Purcell in general. (He was ultra-bad-ass in Blade Trinity)

There’s a few things you should know, if you intend on seeing this flick.

  • There is a storyline of a giant man eating crocodile
  • It takes place in Africa, and seldom has subtitles
  • The true storyline really has nothing to do with the crocodile
  • It’s got a hidden political meaning to it

With that being said, the movie was almost an exact remake of Anaconda, yes, that Jennifer Lopez movie from way back when. Here’s the math to make Anaconda into Primeval:
Anaconda – snake + crocodile – Jennifer Lopez + Dominic Purcell – killing the snake = Primeval

It’s that simple. The storyline was extremely similar. Most of it takes place on a boat, floating down some river in some country in Africa. Every time someone falls in the water, it’s a panic to get them out, before the giant crocodile shows up, and eats them, regardless of where it was, when they fell in the water.

Our hero Tim, played by Purcell, is a news producer, who messed up some major news story, and gets sent to Africa by his boss, to help some people film and capture this giant crocodile. He unwillingly goes, with his cameraman (played by the 7Up guy, Orlando Jones, who no matter what else he does in life, he’ll always be the 7Up guy). Drama ensues, the country’s apparently the poorist in the world, by a large margin, and is the perfect definition of “third-world”.

The entire movie most likely could have been avoided, but, I saw it anyway. Don’t waste your time on this flick. Poor acting, boring story, and in the end, the croc lives. Not even a typical Hollywood ending? No thanks, I’ll pass if there’s a sequel.

 

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