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See No Evil
Review written on: June 11th, 2006

See No Evil Review

The effort to out-gross, out-scare, and out-creep-out Eli Roth’s Hostel, See No Evil, sadly, fails. I had high hopes going in, that this movie would either scare me (which very few movies do), gross me out (which occasionally happens), or disturb me (which I can only hope for). Sadly, it did none of those things.

While I had hoped for some really realistic looking gore-ish moments full of blood splatter, decapitation, limb-loss, there just wasn’t any that looked real enough to convince me that See No Evil had hired a visual effects supervisor worth a damn. Yes, there’s quite a bit of blood, and eye pulling out. Yes, there’s a lot of things that make you go “ew, that’s kinda gross.” But none of them were really “holy crap, I can’t believe they would put that in a movie, that’s friggen twisted!”

The story, while decently conceptualized, could have been written for screen much better than it was. It seemed like someone came up with an idea, and just ran with it. I didn’t get the impression that much time was spend on the script, nor much money was spent on the production. The script lacked in all areas that make a movie good. No huge twists (at least none that I didn’t see coming), no wrap up at the end to tie everything all together. Just another twisted story of a parent who ruins their child for life. In this case, the child happens to be a giant monster played by pro-wrestler (or former pro-wrestler, I don’t know, I don’t keep up with that stuff), Kane. At over 7 feet tall, he’d intimidate anyone. Maybe that’s why they got someone so huge to play the part. After all, he doesn’t speak in the movie, so he doesn’t really have to act. All he needs to do, is throw people around, pull their eyes out, and swing an axe. Easily accomplished by someone of his size.

The rest of the cast, those who aren’t killed off in the first half hour, anyway, are all extremely.. what’s the word I’m looking for? Lame? Non-talented? Boring? Crap? I guess any of those words would fit. Do I blame them? No, the script was garbage. Even if any of these kids move on to win an Oscar, or even a Snobbie, I’ll always remember them for their horribly boring and unentertaining roles in See No Evil.

Don’t get me wrong, I would have liked to enjoy this movie. I’m all for watching disturbing flicks that make me go “Damn, I’m glad I’m not like that.” (Ie, watching Evil Dead 2 last weekend, now that’s a messed up movie) I just couldn’t get into it. It’s just another boring story about a mentally sick person who kills people. But wait Mike, don’t you like that sort of thing? Yes, definitely, when done right. Not in this case. Certain movies can pull off simply crazy people who kill. Ie; Halloween, Friday The 13th, High Tension, etc. See No Evil just didn’t. It’s hard to pinpoint what it was that sucked, aside from simply saying “everything.”

Skip this one. Do yourself a favor, skip it all together. Don’t go see it in the theater, don’t rent it, don’t even watch it when comes out HBO in the next 6 months. It’s an absolute unscary bore, with nothing exciting to see. I’m bummed that I just wasted the last few hours of my life watching this snore fest.

 

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