The Marine
Review written on: October 14th, 2006

The Marine Review

A great action movie needs four things:

  • a great hero
  • a great villain
  • great explosions and violence
  • a great story

    Unfortunately this movie only has two and a half. One – John Cena is a believable action hero. Look at him – the guy is HUGE. He seems like a good guy, out to do the right thing. He’s fearless and indestructible. Two – Robert Patrick is a fantastic villain, as always. I think he should have a role, or at least a cameo, in every action movie. In fact, I think they should go back and make another Reservoir Dogs, but write a role just for him (that’s one of the best movies in history, but if anything could make it better, it’d be Robert Patrick).

    The half is the great explosions and violence. Yes, there was a car chase involving a Camaro. Yes, there were several explosions and plenty of gun fights. There was plenty of hand-to-hand combat, including the wife kicking the woman bad-guy in the face. But it just didn’t seem to be enough. I wanted more explosions, more violence! Isn’t that what action movies are about?

    The story was weak, so no points there. I like the kidnapped-wife, renegade ex-Marine husband out to save her aspect, but after that…there’s nothing. No character exposition. No really surprising twists or turns. There weren’t even that many good one-liners like in Die Hard. The only one-liner worthy of being mentioned is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week. All the baddies are in the truck with the hostage wife, John Cena in the Camaro behind them deflecting bullets like he’s Superman…and bad-guy-that-looks-like-Nick-Lachey says, “Man, this guy’s like the Terminator.” I feel I must explain, because I was the only one in the theater to laugh at that. Robert Patrick played the Terminator.

    Overall the movie was slightly entertaining. I don’t hate that I spend a couple hours at the movie theater watching it. I won’t buy it on DVD. I won’t rent it. The only people I’ll really recommend it to are 13-year-old wrestling fans and girls that watch wrestling with their boyfriends to look at John Cena.


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