Review written on: November 11th, 2005

Valiant Review

My idea of making an animated feature length film these days, is fairly simple. You get actors, you write a funny script, and then you hire Pixar. However, being Disney, they failed to consult me on this project.

When you think of feature length animation movies, you think Monsters, Inc, Shrek, and The Incredibles. What do those movies have in common? A great story that both kids, and adults can love. I know, I know, that’s asking a lot these days. But if Pixar, and Dreamworks can do it, why can’t Disney? Well, generally, they can. But, Valiant fell short of any expectations that anyone had for the movie. Don’t take my word for it? Go see the movie. No, wait, don’t do that. Save yourself the effort, and just trust me.

There were no points during this movie, where I felt that kids would laugh. Generally, where I’d laugh at a cute joke, so would a kid. Let’s face it, I’m just a big kid anyway. The movie just lacked basic comedy. Given, there were maybe two or three scenes I thought were mildly amusing. But hi, it’s a kid’s movie. If I’m 6, two or three scenes to make me laugh in almost an hour and a half, just isn’t gonna cut it. If I’m six, I’m definitely losing interest before then, and asking if we can leave and see something else.

The story, first off, is about a war. Do kids like war? No. Do I like war? No.
Secondly, it’s a drab story. These pigeons are supposed to deliver the message to the other birds, to warn them about something. Talking birds could have been so much cuter. Couldn’t they have taken the same birds, and made a movie about a family of birds in Central Park, living their lives every day? Think about how cute that would have been. A little animated Phoebe, Ross and Rachel walking trough the park, saying hello to the birds. Maybe an animated Seinfeld waving hello. Disney could have done something a little more kid friendly than a war movie, by far.

I was dissappointed by this movie. And reading other reviews after I’ve seen it, so were many, many other people. I’d say stear clear of this one, even if you’ve got kids. You’re better off watching Monsters, Inc for the 300th time, than watching this bore-fest for the first.


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