This is magical. Magical. Amazing. Incredible. This movie is so good that I’m writing a review of it. Have you been to this site lately? I haven’t even paid attention to it in years, it’s just running itself and collecting internet cobwebs, but I’m writing a review of this film to reiterate how incredible it is.
I’m a grown man. I’m almost 40 — Jesus, that’s horrible to write out and made me retch — and I wept during this film. Multiple times. At one point, I was so hysterical that I forced myself to laugh out loud at something, so the people around me wouldn’t think I was dying of hyperventilation.
I’ve never, in my entire life, cried so much at any movie, let alone one that’s an action film. The Notebook? Sure, I cried some. Not as much. When E.T. flew home and left Elliott? Yep, tears. For a minute. And I was 4 or 5 years old. Avengers: Endgame had me balling my eyes out for multiple minutes at a time, multiple times in the film.
Were they happy tears or sad tears? Both. There are some amazing happy moments, but there are some sad moments, too. A lot of the down points aren’t things I was prepared for. To save you from spoilers, I won’t talk about them anymore here. But they’re there. And there’s a lot of them.
I was worried going into the movie that 3 hours would feel long, but it didn’t. I think they used every moment of the full length for a purpose. Every minute felt like it was necessary to fulfill the story and to wrap up what many of us have invested the last 10+ years of our lives — and multiple hundreds of dollars — into.
It’s hard to talk about this film without spoiling anything. It was the first time I can remember leaving a theater and not wanting to talk about it on the way out to the car because I didn’t want to possibly spoil something for anyone waiting in the lobby to go into the theater after us. I know a lot of folks have been joking about not spoiling the film, and you shouldn’t. If you’ve seen it and know others are going to see it soon, don’t ruin it for them. Let them experience the happiness and sadness that you got to enjoy.
There aren’t enough words in the English language that mean the same thing as “amazing”, but here are most of them according to a thesaurus: awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, prodigious, shocking, stunning, surprising, unbelievable, wonderful.
If you’ve invested even a single iota of yourself into following the Marvel Cinematic Universe since Iron Man way back in 2008, do yourself a favor and go see Avengers: Endgame before it gets spoiled for you.
Snow White. Another Snow White movie. Did we really need another one? Isn’t Disney’s classic cartoon enough to pacify those who love the fairy tale? Apparently not.
This re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale is a bit different. Darker and grittier than what we’re used to in the cartoon version. (I believe Mirror, Mirror which also came out around the same time was gritty, as well.)
There were a handful of things I really liked about Snow White and the Huntsman, but more things that I didn’t like. Let’s start with the positive, shall we?
The CGI in this film is impressive. I was actually surprised at how good some of the elements looked (the bridge troll, for example, and the actual mirror when it becomes a person). The studio certainly spared no expense on making the animation realistic, and did a great job at it.
Charlize Theron was stellar as the evil queen Ravenna. So often do you forget how talented she is, as she so often takes bland roles that don’t really let her spread her wings. If you ever have any doubt as to how talented she is, just re-watch Monster.
I wouldn’t necessarily call this a “period piece”, as the timeframe that it takes place is most fictitious. But it does have a certain medieval feeling to it, that’s for certain. Though I think that’s more to do with the fairy tale aspect of it, than actually trying to take place during that time.
The downsides of this movie, of which I feel there are many: it’s really long. Over two hours, in fact. And there’s many parts where those two hours really feel as long as they are. (As opposed to The Dark Knight Rises, which flies by.)
Kristen Stewart. I said it. I’m not sorry. She’s terrible in this. Well, she’s terrible in practically everything (Panic Room excluded), and there’s no reason why studios should keep casting her. Her performances are so boring and monotonous that it’s almost painful to watch her. I watched Kevin Smith’s “Spoilers” that talks about this film, and someone in the group points out that Kristen’s mouth is 50% open the entire time of the film. Clearly I knew this going in, so I kept an eye on it. And she really has her mouth gaping wide open the entire film. “Spoilers” also pointed out that Chris Hemsworth is either holding or swinging a weapon in almost every scene, and that’s also true.
Truth be told, I really wanted to like this movie. It’s a great fairy tale, and one that I’m very familiar with from my childhood. In actuality, though, I couldn’t like it. While it had its high points, the amount of low points just outweighed it all for me. I couldn’t get past how long the movie felt, and I always have a problem with the way that modern actors speak in these supposedly older films. I just don’t buy the way the dialog is written in most times, and find myself thinking “there’s no way they’d say something that way!” and getting frustrated.
I’d say only bother with this film if you’re a real diehard Snow White fan. And even then, it’s just to see Charlize’s portrayal of Ravenna, as she’s quite brilliant. The rest, as they say, is for the birds. (That’s a joke about Ravenna, which’ll make sense if you’ve seen the movie. Yep, I’m ending this with a joke, deal with it.)