The Top Five Movies You Shouldn’t Watch With Your Mom
My Mom was in town visiting for a while, and we were chatting about movies one night during dinner when Superbad came up in conversation. I sent Superbad to my younger brothers (14 and 20) for Christmas with a note attached that said, “Don’t watch this with Mom & Dad!” There are just some movies you shouldn’t watch with your parents. Inspired by that, here are my Top Five Movies Not To Watch With Mom:
5. A Clockwork Orange – I first watched A Clockwork Orange in film class in college, and I was embarrassed to be watching it with other people. There are too many penises (penii?) in the robbery scene for this to be a safe movie for anyone to watch with their mom. Don’t even get me started on the milk bar.
4. The Exorcist – Another movie I first watched in film class (at 10am, no less), The Exorcist is one of those truly disturbing movies that you just feel dirty after watching. Despite all the awful things little Regan says to her mother throughout the movie, there’s only one reason you really shouldn’t watch this with your mom – the infamous scene of Regan shoving a crucifx where it doesn’t belong and screaming something that Kathy Griffin might say after winning an award.
3. Clerks II – Kevin Smith is notorious for movies that aren’t exactly Mom-friendly. I mean, my Mom loves Dogma, and she’d probably get a kick out of Mallrats, but I definitely don’t want to watch Clerks or Chasing Amy with her. Once Zack and Miri Make a Porno comes out, I’m pretty sure that’s going on the list too. But Clerks II takes the cake. Between the pillow pants conversation, the general sex talk throughout the entire movie, and the “donkey show” at the end…well…let’s just say I’m not even sure I want my mom reading my description of the movie.
2. Superbad – Where to begin? My first viewing of Superbad was such a joyful experience. The movie uses the F-bomb in ways even my freshman year roommate, whose favorite word it was, wouldn’t have thought to use it in. But the profanity is the least of your worries if you choose to watch this movie with your mom. The opening conversation between Seth and Evan is about which porn site they should subscribe to once they get to college. Seth’s speech on the football field (and the outtakes on the DVD) is a mother’s worst nightmare, and the hugely awkward almost-sex scene near the end of the flick is enough to make anyone blush. You don’t even want your mom to know you think this stuff is funny – forget about her sitting next to you as you laugh at, “Well Jules, funny thing about my back…”
1. The Aristocrats – I watched this one in a darkened movie theater with my fiance and my aunt & uncle. All four of us were squeamish every time something funny happened because we’d laugh uncontrollably and then sink into our seats in shame. This documentary features an anything-goes joke that comedians tell each other. It gets dirtier, more vulgar, and even more disgusting with every comedian featured. But the real kicker is Bob Saget – good old Danny Tanner from “Full House” – who manages to incorporate the “Full House” cast into the joke in the most pervy, disgusting ways. But of course, it’s all beyond hilarious. You just don’t want mom to be sitting next to you as you laugh at sex jokes about the Olsen Twins.
Those are the five movies I don’t want to watch with my Mom. How about you? Had any uncomfortable moments with your Mom at the movies? Know an even better movie that’s not on my list? Share it in the comments.